I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
