You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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