At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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