I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
