Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize