I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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