i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
