i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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