READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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