True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
