My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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