haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm having to shit out rocks
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
