You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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