gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
