A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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