oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
