i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
