We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wish I could teleport
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
