I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
