was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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