How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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