So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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