This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize