we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
