The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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