So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Pappa wants mamma naked
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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