I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
