im gay
i know
yea but for you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
