Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
