i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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