So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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