She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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