Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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