I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
