i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We're too hungover to prance.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
