so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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