Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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