I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
