also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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