god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
worst night to have a conscience
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
