Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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