If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
