put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize