I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
