last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize