Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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