She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
