she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
there is puke in my bra ... again
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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