forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
