i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
