after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
