You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
