THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
