Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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