ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
