I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
