He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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