You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
