Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
