Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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