I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize