I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
