Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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