i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
