We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
