I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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