I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
