you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
