when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
