You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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