i jhust puked up my retainher.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
