Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
