I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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