So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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