you would pick up someone in the library
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
