I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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