I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
